For All That You Have Done
by kalijahrulez
Summary: So, apparently there is going to be an "epic, tragic battle" between Elena and Katherine on the season finale of Vampire Diaries, and as much as I hate to say it, I think Kat might die. I'm hoping she doesn't, but I'm pretty sure they're not gonna get rid of "poor little Elena". So, this is a one-shot I wrote about Katherine reflecting on the best and worst times of her life.


_"For all that you have done..."_

The words echo through my mind as I feel the world slipping away. They say that when you die, you're whole life flashes before your eyes. I never knew whether or not that was true, until now. Above me stands a girl with my face. A girl that has been thrust into the same life that I was doomed to live. All because of me. A single tear falls from my eyes, and I know that she will think it's because I don't want to die, and she's partly right, but there's more to it. There are reasons I don't want to die. There are things I needed to do first. People I needed to apologize to. But now it is too late. In the last moments of my life, it all comes back in flashes. The love, the hate, the joy, the fear, the happiness, the misery... Everything. From my childhood, until now. I see visions of my mother's loving smile, better days, followed by my father's evilness, then the most wonderful man I have ever known chasing me through a garden and talking to me about love, then sudden death, heart break, misery, and also hope. I see a man telling me that I am an angel, but not really knowing me, betrayal, more death, more heart break, and loneliness. I see blood. Lots and lots of blood. In a moment, I feel it all.

"Mama, look!" I shout, looking up at the sky. A flock of birds rush by us and I laugh in delight. She smiles down at me and picks me up. "Come, my darling. I need to start cooking supper. You know how your father gets if he comes home and it isn't ready." She says, and I sigh. A girl's father is supposed to be her first love, but it's not like that for me. I am very frightened of my father. My mother is my world. She carries me back to the house and I wrap my small arms around her neck. She puts me down when we reach the kitchen and I climb up into a chair. I smile as she gathers vegetables and begins to prepare supper. I love watching her cook. I can not wait for the day when I'm old enough to really help her. All she allows me to do right now is wash the dishes. I am only four years old so there isn't much I can do around the house, but she has promised me that in a couple years I can do more. Later that night I lie in my bed. My mother strokes my hair gently as she finishes my bedtime story. She stands to leave but I grab her wrist. She smiles admiringly at me and sits back down. "What is it, sweetness?" She asks, and I smile back at her. "Will I get a prince one day?" I ask, hopefully. She laughs and runs a soft hand over the side of my face. "Of course you will, Katerina. You are too beautiful and too precious not to. The men will be lining up one day, just begging for your hand." She says, reassuringly. I smile happily at her words. "Mama, maybe you'll find a prince one day too." I tell her, and she looks down at me with a small smile. "I have your father, dear." She whispers, but despite her words, I can see the sadness in her eyes. "But you do not love him." I say simply. She laughs quietly. "What do you know of love, Katerina? You are but a small child." She says, and I raise up to sit against the headboard of my bed. "I learned from watching you, mama. The way you look at me and papa. When you look at me, your eyes light up. When you look at father, you're sad." I say, and I can see her eyes watering. I move toward her and place myself in her lap. She hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear. "You are wise beyond your years, little one. Just know that you will not be like me. You are going to find someone one day who will love and cherish you the way you deserve. I _promise_." I close my eyes and let her words sink in. She rocks me gently back and forth and holds me in her arms until I fall asleep. These are the moments that I love the most. Moments when it is just my mother and I. I forget about the world, my father, and everything else. It is as if my mother and I have entered our own world and I never want to leave it. I pray that these moments will never end, but they always do.

"A little more dearest, a little more! Push, Katerina!" I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on my mother's words. I feel like I am being split in half. The pain is overwhelming and it seems it will never end. I push again and again, until finally, I hear the cries of a newborn baby. I am shaking now and trying to catch my breath. "It's a girl." I hear my mother say, and I reach out my arms for her. "Let me see." I say, and she walks over to me. Suddenly, my father steps in. "No, woman! What are you doing?!" He shouts and I jump at the sound of his voice. There is fear in my mother's eyes. "Please, papa. Just once. Just let me hold her once!" I beg, tears streaming from my eyes. "No! You have disgraced this family!" He sneers, and my heart breaks. My mother hands my baby girl to one of the maids and I watch as they take her away. I try to run after her, but my mother holds me firmly. "No, Katerina, no." She says, but I try again. "Please, mama. Please..." I say, my voice breaking at the end as I am hit by a flood of tears. "It is better for her, Katerina. It is better for her." She tells me, holding me tightly in her arms just as she had done when I was a little girl. I cry so hard I feel like I might run out of tears. This isn't fair. None of it is fair. My father watches me from the other side of the room with a look of disgust. I decide in that moment that I will never hate anyone more than I hate my father. How can he despise his own daughter so much? I have done no wrong. My baby was the result of his stupidity. He arranged for me to meet with a potential suitor alone. He knew nothing of the man and didn't care. He just wanted to marry me off so that I would no longer be his problem. When I told him that the man had raped me, he slapped me across the face and told me to stop lying. He called me a whore and told me that I was no longer his daughter. When my stomach began to get bigger, he locked me in my room and made me stay hidden away. He did not want my 'indiscretions' to give the family a bad name. I learned recently from one of the maids that my attacker was married now. My heart goes out to whoever was so unlucky as to have become his wife. "You filthy slut. Listen to me!" My father yells, grabbing my face roughly. "You are banished from this house and from this land. I have arranged for you to be escorted by ship to England. Once you leave this place, you are dead to us all. You are no longer part of the Petrova family. You may share my name, but you are _not_ my daughter. You do not have a father, a mother, a sister, or a _daughter_. I wish you nothing but _misery_." He says, letting me go and rushing out of the room. My mother and I spend the next couple hours crying in each other's arms while servants gather my belongings. The next time I see my mother, she is dead along with the rest of my family. Murdered by a man I never should have trusted.

"You're supposed to catch me! You're meant to catch me..." I say, as I look over at Elijah. It's a warm, sunny day in England and we have been playing a game of chase. It was always my favorite game when I was a child. "But if I catch you, the game will be over." He says, and I smile at him. I take a moment to appreciate him. His smile, his eyes, the shape of his face. He is perfect and I know it is wrong, because I am set to marry his brother, but I am falling in love with this man. "Thank you for entertaining me." I say, and he smiles back. "Well, you looked so lonely inside, I took pity on you." He teases, and I laugh. I begin to walk over to a stone bench and he follows. "Klaus promised to spend the day with me, but he never returned home from the night." I say, looking down. I take a seat and he leans against a statue. "Klaus does not live by any rules but his own." He says, and I look up at him. "Still, I know not why he courts me. He seems to not care about me at all." I say, sadly. "Many a union has been built on much less." He says, moving to take a seat next to me. "Is it wrong to want more?" I ask, watching him hopefully. "Do you have more with Trevor?" He asks, and I shake my head. If only he knew what I was really referring to. "Trevor believes that he loves me, but true love is not real unless it is returned. Do you agree?" I ask, watching him closely. He looks back at me with sadness in his eyes. "I do not believe in love, Katerina." He says, and it cuts me like a knife. I shake my head at him, unwilling to believe such a thing. "That is too sad for me to accept, my lord. Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?" I ask him, thinking back to my old life in Bulgaria. The way he looks at me makes my heart race. How can he cause me to feel this way with just a simple look. The moment is ruined by the sound of Klaus's voice. "What do I interrupt?" He yells from behind us, and just like that I am reminded that Elijah and I could never be together. Later that night, I am awoken from my sleep by Trevor. He begins telling me the story of the doppelgänger. He tells me that I am the new doppelgänger and I am to be sacrificed in order for Klaus to lift some ancient curse. He tells me that he is a vampire, as well as Elijah and Klaus. I'm panicking and he tells me that I need to run. My first instinct is to go to Elijah. I trust him more than I trust anyone else. I love him and I can't just run away. But Trevor tells me that Elijah already knows. This whole time, Elijah was only pretending to be my friend. He never cared about me, but Trevor does. I decide to do as Trevor says. I run, and by the next night, I am a vampire. I return home to learn that Klaus has slaughtered my family, and I hope to God that Elijah was not part of it. He wasn't, but I wouldn't know that until five-hundred years later when we are reunited. It is six months of love and bliss, until eventually, he leaves me. The only man that I love more than anything, leaves me. He can not learn to love the woman I have become now, and I can't convince him that his Katerina is still here. I never get to tell him that I will always love him, despite what he may believe. I don't get to tell him that he is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. I don't get to tell him that I am sorry for letting him down. He'll never know that he is the one and only man for me. I wonder if he knows what is happening right now, or if he'll even care when I'm gone.

In 1864, I meet the Salvatore brothers. I am standing in the hallway of the Salvatore family home. I arrived in Mystic Falls just a couple of weeks ago with my friend Emily, my best friend Pearl, and Pearl's daughter, Anna. I met Pearl and Anna one month after I became a vampire and fled from Klaus. Pearl taught me how to be a vampire. She became my mentor. She taught me how to be sneaky, to think fast, to control my emotions without shutting them off, and how to survive. She even gave me a new name. I am now Katherine Pierce. She and Anna also use the last name Pierce. But they are not what's important right now. It is the man standing before me. _Stefan Salvatore_. He's looking at me right now like I am the most amazing thing he has ever laid eyes on. "I know we've only known each other for a short while, and I know I'm in competition for you affections, but um... I've never met a woman quite like you. I- I look at you, and I see an angel. I touch your skin, and my entire body ignites. I kiss you, and I know that I'm falling in love." He confesses, and I don't know what to do but stare at him. It has been so long since I cared about someone this much. I never even imagined that I could feel this way again, after Elijah. He leans in and kisses me. I kiss him back and it is the first time I have ever kissed someone that I truly love. Over the years, there have been many men who have fallen under my spell. I have become a very different person from the girl I once was. I am no longer that sweet, innocent little peasant girl. But in Stefan's eyes, I am. I know that one day he will have to learn the truth, but for now, I want to enjoy every moment I get with him. We pull apart and he smiles at me. "I am in love with you." He says, and I shake my head slightly. He doesn't really know me. He only knows who I pretend to be. I am not this angel he speaks of. "There is just so much you don't know about me, Stefan." I tell him, but he only smiles at me. "More to learn and love." He says, and I feel my heart break a little. This won't end well for him and that thought saddens me. I do not want him to get hurt. "I must say good night." I say, turning to walk into my room. "I've upset you?" He asks, and I turn back to him. "No... You haven't upset me, you've just surprised me." I tell him, and he looks at me in understanding. But he _doesn't_ understand, and I fear that when he learns the truth, he won't be able to understand. And I am right. In the end, just like Elijah, he could never love a monster like me. I figured out too late that while I did love Stefan, and what we had was true, I wasn't in love with him. I was in love with his idea of me. I ruined his life because I fooled myself. He reminded me of the person I used to be. The person that I keep locked away, deep inside of me. Stefan and I aren't even friends now, and that's what hurts the most. He can't even stand to be near me. I think he might even be part of the reason why I am lying on this cold ground dying. He'll never know how sorry I am for ruining his life and his relationship with his brother. He'll never know the real me or how much I still care for him.

Yes, I have done some horrible things. I have killed thousands. I have ruined countless lives. I have become a _monster_. I lie, deceive, and manipulate my way through life. I break hearts and leave a trail of blood behind me everywhere I go. I do terrible, unforgivable things in the name of survival. People say that I am heartless, that I do not care for anyone but myself, but that's where they're wrong. I have loved and I have lost so much. My baby girl, my loving mother, my darling little sister, every friend that I have ever had, the man I loved, and the man I was_ in love_ with. No one could ever understand my pain. No one could ever understand how I think, why I do the things I do, or how much I have lost. No one understands _me_. All they see is a "psychotic bitch". They don't see the scars or the loneliness in my eyes. They don't know that sometimes, when I'm all by myself, I cry. I grieve for the people I've lost, and for the girl I used to be. I suppose now none of that matters. My heart struggles with each beat, and my body slowly goes numb. My eyes are wide open and as I take my last breath, a part of me hopes that Elena will look in my eyes and finally see the pain that I have kept so well hidden.


End file.
